Anticipation

I just received three new books in the mail.
It feels like Christmas.

Spirit, Life and Days.

Annie Dillard, The Writing Life

"Right now, you are flying. Right now, your job is to hold your breath."

"How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives."

"There is no shortage of good days. It is good lives that are hard to come by."

Jesus, The book of John, chapter six verse sixty three.

"It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh is of no avail. The words I have spoken to you are spirit and life."

Berry Picking.

I went berry picking tonight.

Tromping around in the fading light, I was taught a life lesson. Thoreau said, “Look deep, deep into nature and you will understand everything.” I wasn’t really looking, but I was provided with a lesson anyway.

Black berries are my favorite. Their pockets of tart and sweet exploding on the roof of your mouth, their seeds getting lodged into the crevices of your teeth. I now know that they are not expensive simply due to their delicious factor, but because procuring them is nearly impossible. They are booby-trapped. I'm not kidding you. The scrapes on my hands and forearms and snags in my clothes will prove it. I feel like I’m being really careful, moving gingerly, missing the thorny buggers to pinch the purple jewel when suddenly, as if from no where, I’m nabbed. And I spend the next five minutes untangling my leg, foot and back from the stinking things.

The first time I went picking a few weeks ago I wore a skirt, tank top and sandals. Big mistake. I wised up and this time donned a sweatshirt, jeans and sneakers this time. And it helped, a little. It was still a fight though.

Tonight I had the great idea of climbing up a steep, poison oak laced hill to approach the bushes from another angle. Will I ever learn? After several minutes of careful navigation, I managed about five berries. Spying a few up a bit higher I took some unsteady steps, and reaching out over the spiny sea I managed to spill the berries I had so painstakingly just retrieved. I decided that this may not be the best way to go about getting what I wanted.

My fingers grew steadily darker as my tactics steadily improved. I discovered that I could use the fibrous branches to keep my balance or pull them toward me. Setting my fingers carefully between the spikes, I was able to efficiently control the wiley branch to some degree. At least their attacks were more predictable this way. I also discovered that if I stepped on top of the branches, they stuck to eachother and pulled their neighbors down, instead of tangling with me.

I just had to learn to work with the bush, to use it to my advantage.

And so after all that, the lesson is this: the best things in life are the hardest to get. And you have to learn how to use the thorny parts to help you take hold of the sweetness trapped beneath the thicket.

Moses and Jethro Go Out For Coffee.

I loved this story. The relationship between Moses and his father-in-law. If these two lived today they would have met, listening and sharing over a cup of steaming black coffee. True,I have mentors, but it made me want more. More wisdom filled dialogs, where they tell me what I should do.
Yeah...that would be nice.

Jethro, the priest of Midian, Moses’ father-in-law, heard of all that God had done for Moses and for Israel his people, how the LORD had brought Israel out of Egypt...And when he sent word to Moses, "I, your father-in-law Jethro, am coming to you with your wife and her two sons with her," Moses went out to meet his father-in-law and bowed down and kissed him.

And they asked each other of their welfare and went into the tent. Then Moses told his father-in-law all that the LORD had done to Pharaoh and to the Egyptians for Israel’s sake, all the hardship that had come upon them in the way, and how the LORD had delivered them. And Jethro rejoiced for all the good that the LORD had done to Israel, in that he had delivered them out of the hand of the Egyptians.
Jethro said, "Blessed be the LORD, who has delivered you out of the hand of the Egyptians and out of the hand of Pharaoh and has delivered the people from under the hand of the Egyptians. Now I know that the LORD is greater than all gods, because in this affair they dealt arrogantly with the people." And Jethro, Moses’ father-in-law, brought a burnt offering and sacrifices to God; and Aaron came with all the elders of Israel to eat bread with Moses’ father-in-law before God.

The next day Moses sat to judge the people, and the people stood around Moses from morning till evening. When Moses’ father-in-law saw all that he was doing for the people, he said, "What is this that you are doing for the people? Why do you sit alone, and all the people stand around you from morning till evening?" And Moses said to his father-in-law, "Because the people come to me to inquire of God; when they have a dispute, they come to me and I decide between one person and another, and I make them know the statutes of God and his laws."

Moses’ father-in-law said to him, "What you are doing is not good. You and the people with you will certainly wear yourselves out, for the thing is too heavy for you. You are not able to do it alone. Now obey my voice; I will give you advice, and God be with you! You shall represent the people before God and bring their cases to God, and you shall warn them about the statutes and the laws, and make them know the way in which they must walk and what they must do. Moreover, look for able men from all the people, men who fear God, who are trustworthy and hate a bribe, and place such men over the people as chiefs of thousands, of hundreds, of fifties, and of tens. And let them judge the people at all times. Every great matter they shall bring to you, but any small matter they shall decide themselves. So it will be easier for you, and they will bear the burden with you. If you do this, God will direct you, you will be able to endure, and all this people also will go to their place in peace."

So Moses listened to the voice of his father-in-law and did all that he had said.

Don't Forget.

It shall be a mark on your hand or frontlets between your eyes, for by a strong hand the LORD brought us out of Egypt. Exodus 13:16

I went for a run this morning. It was crisp and cool. It feels like fall in Grand Rapids. And I listened to Mars Hill Music. Remebering. I love remembering.

He wants the Israelites to remember. He wants them to do something that will be a reminder of what God has done. I want to do things that help me remember too.

Getting Lost.

I so quickly get lost in story.
I just watched Julie and Julia and I wanted to be a cook. Move to France. Wear pumps and a strand of pearls. I wanted to live in a tiny apartment. Be in love. Write consistently. Have ‘followers’.

I get lost in story and want to be something else. I have all these grandiose ideas. I want to do something, be something, that’s worth watching. Something that people can identify with. I have lists. Goal lists. Things I want to do or accomplish. Triathlon. Marathon. Garden. Cook. Writ. Decorate. Play music. Travel. Make pottery. I could sit here for hours, chronicling the things I want to do.

I haven’t “lost” myself like Julie in the film. I don’t need to escape my mundane existence through cooking or anything like that. But there is one thing I can identify with. I can identify with her necessity to establish deadlines, or she won't finish. I own a guitar and a keyboard. The former I’ve had since high school. The latter two years. I can successfully pound out a few chords on each. And that is it. It’s hard for me to stick with things for long. I flit from one thing to another. I so desire something opposite of that. One of the stories I want to live out is to be that very methodical person. And so, I try. I am finding I can attain some form of this in cleanliness. I can make my bed [most] mornings. I can sit at the table and read my bible, eat my breakfast and drink coffee every morning. It gives me a feeling of order. And a feeling of order gives me an illusion of peace.

It appears as though I’m not quite as adventurous as I think. And so the girl who once clung to "wanderlust" is now reveling in tidy sheets and oatmeal and coffee. What is happening?

I want to write something. I feel as though I’m always trying to write the better version of myself. The one I have not yet achieved. The problem is I’ll never know if I have arrived because I’m not fully certain of who that person is. I want to know Christ. I want to be more like Jesus.
At least that’s what I say.
Do I really, really believe that though? In the pit of me. In the depths of my being-do I really just want to be more like Jesus? Ideally yes.
But really I just want to be a better form of me...which would be Jesus...haha.

Help me rest in who I am. Here and today. Rest in my faults and weaknesses too. I want to claim the creation you’ve made me to be, a new one. One that changes yes, but that can brag about the fact that you dwell in me. That is consistent. That’s all the consistency I need. That's the best story I could ever write.

Home.

Quote from my dear friend Amy Richardson 8.28.10:
"These people are more home than this place."

Lovely Words Must Be Shared.

I love old things.
Especially old books.
And I happened upon a treasure while perusing Eastown Antiques when I was home a few weeks ago. Near the jewelery cases, a row of books was stacked inconspicuously along the back wall. Their pretty flower covered spines caught my eye. Upon closer inspection I noticed one was had gold embossing while the others were pink and green. The title read, "Jesus Only". Curious I picked it up and found a series of daily readings-verse, quote, verse pattern. I love it. And if you love something you have the compulsion to share it. And so, that is just what I plan to do.

27.8
There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. Rom. 8:1

Know, my soul! thy full salvation;
Rise o're sin, and fear, and care,
Joy to find, in every station,
Something still to do or bear;
Think what Spirit dwells within thee;
Think what Father's smiles are thine;
Think that Jesus died to win thee;
Child of Heaven! canst thou repine?
MONTGOMERY

I will cry unto God most high; unto God that performeth all things for me. Psa. 57:2

September.

...Other refuge have I none;
Hangs my helpless soul on thee:
Leave, O leave me not alone,
Still support and comfort me;
All my trust on thee is stayed,
All my help from thee I bring;
Cover my defenseless head
With the shadow of thy wing!

Thou, O Christ, art all I want;
More than all in thee I find;
Raise the fallen, cheer the faint,
Heal the sick, and lead the blind.
Just and holy is thy name,
I am all unrighteousness;
False and full of sin I am,
Thou art full of truth and grace.

Plenteous grace with thee is found,
Grace to cover all my sin;
Let the healing streams abound;
Make and keep me pure within.
Thou of life the fountain art,
Freely let me take of thee;
Spring thou up with my heart,
Rise to all eternity.
CHARLES WESLEY

1.9
Now to the Lord a noble song;
Awake, my soul! awake, my tongue!
Hosanna to the eternal name
And all his boundless love proclaim.

See where it shines in Jesus' face,
The brightest image of his grace.
God in person of his Son
Hath all his mightiest works outdone.
WATTS

4.9
O gentle One, on Mary's breast,
Our want and pain were cradled there;
Thy heart with grief like ours oppressed
Hath borne for us life's cross and care;
Thy dwelling in our feeble frame
Hath given thee a Brother's name.
H.M.J.

Inspiration.

"We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect." -Anaïs Nin