Opposites attract.

I roused myself from the purple paisley sheet laid on the sole grassy patch of the property I now call home. I shoved the uncomfortable black buds into my ears and tossed my backpack over my shoulder, heading back down the mountain for some dinner. The little violet contraption I recieved for christmas has this amazing shuffle feature and while it may have been coincidence, I am going to say that the start of David Crowder's Forever and Ever was providence.

My sandaled feet headed down the hill, the steady rhythm quickening my steps. My shielded eyes greeted by green spires and the beautiful sunshine-its rays warming my face.

Love so indelible to know...
Love too unthinkable and true
I think I'm on the brink of something large
Maybe like the breaking of the dawn
Maybe like a match being lit
Or the sinking of a ship,
letting go gives a better grip

I'm finding everything I'll ever need
By giving up gaining everything
Falling for You for eternity
Right here at Your feet
Where I wanna be
I am Yours

With each passing day, I'm learning how true those bolded lines are.
Letting go really does give a better grip.

Which makes absolutely no sense. I know.

But the more I let go of myself-my selfishness, my pride, my "wisdom", my plans-the more simple my life becomes. The more difficult, true. And also more complex...which seems to fit with this whole releasing and grasping paradigm shift. Simple in that my purpose is clear. Complex in that life takes on a much grander meaning.

So the less I squeeze. The easier it is to hold on. Weird. But I like weird.

Insert foot here.

When you talk all day for a living, you are bound to say something stupid.

I fumble over my words quite a bit because I want to make sure I'm informative and exciting at the same time so...sometimes I get a bit carried away and today, it happened. One of our challenge course elements is called the "pinata". After the participant gets harnessed in, one of the kids needs to take a carabiner and clip it to the back of the participant's harness. As I was assigning jobs, I forgot to explain that the carabiner was a double locking model so I yelled out,

"Where are my two hooker girls?"

Awesome.

The kids paused before following their counselor's lead in laughter. Can you say foot in mouth moment?

Quotes from my current fix.

I've been reading this book Desiring God by John Piper and even though none of the quotes here are actually his words, it's turning out to be a good read and I like sharing good quotes so here are a few:

Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature f the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased. -Lewis, The Weight of Glory

I think we delight to praise what we enjoy because the praise not merely expresses but completes the enjoyment; it is its appointed consummation. -Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms

Of late God has been pleased to keep my soul hungry almost continually, so that I have been filled with a kind of pleasing pain. When I really enjoy God, I feel my desires of him more insatiable and my thirstings after holiness more unquenchable. -quoted in E.M. Bounds, The Weapon of Prayer

You have put more joy in my heart than they have when their grain and wine abound. -Psalm 4:7

Back to you.

I love my job for a lot of reasons.

One being the gift of last week.

I don't feel right calling last week a vacation. It wasn't "time off". Sure I wasn't trying to gain the attention of thirty rambunctious kids or preparing for classes, but it was more than just ten days of leisure. I am a better person coming back here. Better because I was loved so well. Better because I witnessed God's love extended to high school students and their families. Better because I read and heard some wise words. Better because I then talked about it. Better because I was able to explore my head and my heart with a dear friend who knows both parts of me so well.

There's just something comforting about sharing your observations and questions with someone who knows how you operate. Who can see things I can't even see about me. I learned a lot of lessons last week, which sadly, I'm not going to recount here. Because you don't need to know everything about me right? I did find out that the Easter bunny travels in helicopters these days and that earthquakes feel a little like trying to stand still on a trampoline when everyone else is jumping crossed with a skateboard...? Southern California is ridiculous and super rad.

And the beauty of this whole thing is that even though last week was perfection, I was excited to come back and pick up my schedule from the cork board. We have now come full circle.

I love my job for a lot of reasons.

So thank you God for this job. For this place you have me in right now. For the people you've put into my life. For the lessons you are teaching me and reteaching me. I have o, so much to learn. It's a bit ridiculous. But you're teaching me. And your blessing me along the way too, which so totally rocks and is so incredibly undeserved. And so I will just say thank you, thank you, thank you and do my best to always turn the gratitude right back to you.