put your hands up.

I love roller coasters but I’m ready to get off this one. Quick plunges, even faster ascents, twisting corkscrews. I’m ready for something a little more tame. But that’s not happening. No way. Every day is buckling that lap belt and pulling down that suffocating harness that hurts your ears on the turns. I’m just hoping that somewhere along the track things might even out a bit, just a wee bit.

I wouldn't describe myself as an overly moody person, emotional maybe, but not a roller coaster. [If this assumption is false, please, tell me. For my sake and those around me-if I don’t even know that I’m crazy moody, we have a serious problem on our hands.] Despite my perceived "consistency" I’m currently very agitated at the emotional roller coaster I seem to be on as of late. It’s quite amazing. Frightening and bizarre really. One minute I want to crawl into my bed, lower the shades, and stay there. Forever. And the next minute I’m feeling like I could run a marathon, paint a masterpiece and save some babies while doing it.

Example one.
I just bought a hiking pack. I probably looked at a thousand packs. No joke. Making decisions for me is hard enough, throw in a bazillion options and a substantial amount of money and it’s a recipe for disaster. Buyer’s remorse up the wah-zoo. I finally decided on a Mountainsmith pack. The price was right, the aesthetics were right, fifty recycled plastic bottles were used in it’s creation, and the size was right. Well at least I thought the size was right. I was stoked when it came in. I sliced open the box and slowly lifted it out of the box. It was too small. I mean, my blue jansport seemed to be equivalent. Heck, I should have just packed a month worth of clothes into my purse. Okay, so I’m a little overdramatic. I actually had to fight back tears. It is way too small. I have no other options. I don’t have time to get another one online. And they’re expensive in the store. I don’t have any money. I’m going to end up living in a van down by the river. Eating only Ramen noodles. Again, overreacting perhaps?

Example two.
I was driving up to Pentwater after work. The sun was cutting through the pine trees, dancing on the curving pavement. Daisy May’s soft twang was lilting through the speakers. The wind coming through the open windows was giving me perfect car-with-the-windows-down-cruising hair. There were even feathers, yes feathers, swirling around inside my car. [remnants of the best bridal shower ever] And at one point a loose paper that threatened to throw itself out the window decidedly landed in the passenger door side pocket. Amazing. Things could not be more blissful. I felt euphoric. All was right with the world.

Now here’s the crazy thing. These are two separate events occurring on different days. The reality is that I’ve been vacillating between these extremes about every sixty seconds. It’s out of control. And I’ve decided to blame it on the transition. [it’s certainly not because I’m a crazy basket case, obviously]

As wise friend said with brutal honestly, “Everything we have ever known is about to change.”
Alright. Was that really necessary? It sucks, but it’s true. Things are about to change. I’ve been a student most of my cognoscente life. I don’t know what it’s going to be like not to have homework and be surrounded by hundreds of people who are sharing a similar experience at the same stage in their life.

While I’m packing up my new backpack [which by the way is much bigger than I initially anticipated] with the necessities for the next few months-I’m also packing up my memories over the past four years. As I roll up my sleeping bag, and stuff it in that impossibly small bag-I’m also rolling up relationships-which can I just say, is exponentially more difficult than even those blasted sleeping bag sacks. Looking up maps to Denver and San Diego while trying to plot a course for the next few months and years of my life. This is epic. Sure, right now I’m riding on an emotional roller coaster that is unparalleled in its scariness thus far, but it’s epic all the same. And even though I will most likely scream all the way, my hands are going to be in the air.